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As you can see, the Stage Three is in something of a
different league altogether. Designed primarily as backup
for conventional troops, functioning in the prime capacity
as a tank-killer, a single squad of five of the stage three
gargantuans is reckoned as equivalent to approximated twenty
special forces units. It may not seem it, but they are also
extremely stealthy warriors, moving silently and keeping as
hidden as possible until the moment of final attack, despite
their huge size.
The Stage Three can run at thirty five miles an hour for a
day, solid, it can jump more than fifteen meters in a single
leap, despite weighing in at a hefty 425 kg. On stable
ground it can lift twice its own body weight and carry it
for more than fifty miles without resting, or taking on
water.
But the Stage Three is no simple minded beast. It can be
trained in computer use with a comparable effectiveness to a
human operator, it can use mechanical and electronic
weaponry, some of which is already being manufactured to
take into account the creatures size and ergonomics.
Also, without compromising its combat effectiveness, the
Stage Three has been given the ability to understand highly
complex instructions, making it ideal for long term missions
and even urban pacification. So next time your thinking
'genetically engineered super warrior', think three, and
ring our Government sponsored hotline on 0800 212 333, and
order yours today.
You, like me, are probably quaking with fear now. In fact,
the BBC is considering a fly-on-the-wall docusoap based on a
training colony of Stage Threes in Sussex. Watch the fun as
they escape and run amok, killing hundreds of civilians.
Again again.
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