What can be done?
So, we are to be sold to some weird alien race, and replaced by devious super clones. What can we do? Is this a bad thing? Well, I too had many questions, and when I asked myself them, in order to try and obtain an answer, all I could think of was that the answer's would become apparent in due course. Ahah, I thought to myself, my time machine! All I needed to do was to jump in, set the clock for the future, and, by observation and cunning detective work, formulate a plan based on future happenings. I ran up to my room, and fired up the time engine, but alas! My quadlithate diffracting infandibulator had the mark of a coffee cup upon its upper surface, thereby negating the purity of the constructed refractive index. Damn, the time machine was no longer functional. I reprimanded my coffee-drinking-and-leaving-around brother, and began thinking of new ideas. It was not long before I hit upon one.
You may have heard the theory of how you can check the effects of the millennium bug on your home computer by setting the clock to a minute before midnight on New Year's Eve, 1999, and then watching the effects as the clock ticks over the allotted hour. Although most people think that this simply fools the computers central processor into thinking the millennium has come, what it actually does is create a localized time field demorphology, essentially changing the actual time, not just for the computer but for everyone around it. This allows us to temporarily change the time. Using this arcane knowledge, I set my computer for Christmas Eve, organized an employment deal with my brother, making him my serf and lackey, and then, as he began talking about Christmas bonuses, fooled by the computer's alternative time, I started telling him how crap Christmas is, and how stupid it all was. I then intoned the Un-Christmas mantra, Bah Humbug, thereby summoning the ghosts of Christmas past, present and yet-to-be. Christmas Past and Present arrived, and quickly left, as they soon realized how I had fooled them. Then the ghost of Christmas Future turned up, and we jumped upon him, tied him up, and sat him down. The interrogation then began.
What he had to say was pretty much uninteresting, mainly about his being fictional and how this sort of thing shouldn't be allowed. After a few hours with the thumbscrews though, he relented, and started talking a bit of sense. What I can report is this: Our enslavement by the alien race can be avoided if we are extremely careful. Eternal vigilance is the price of our freedom. But what to look out for? Well, I tried to get this information from the ghost, but as soon as I started, what should happen but that his Ectoplasmic stability began to collapse. No matter, thought I, for what I have here is a good start. We untied him, and let him go. I then quickly set the clock on my computer back to normal time, in order to avoid Santa coming round mistakenly, and figuring out that it was I who had called him out on false pretexts, which could lead to me being charged under the same law that prohibits prank calls to emergency services. More importantly, it could lead to me getting no further presents, so as I said, we reset the computer.
But what to look for? Good question: vigilance is nothing without an object for surveillance. Through observation and concentrated meditation however, using psychic Remote Viewing techniques, learnt from my time with the US NSA, I was able to observe the creation of the clones on the alien mother ship, which hovers invisibly over the school. What I learnt will be the subject of my next book, but a sneak preview can be seen on the next menu item, when you click below...
